Davids Testimony

right,i have to write all this again because it all just fuckin dissapeared!!!!!!!!,,,so gay right well again,this is the story of paddy g,last night

1. right so,,i walk into the suger club soaking wet after lookin for it for like 20 mins,,i see like 20 people and u and shane,,,you see me ang mad,,you tell me how great this place is even though it was kinda shit,,we go for drinks and you buy me a guiness and a whiskey for you,,,u make me drink the whiskey,,i mean like scream your head off goin,,drink it! drink it!!!!!,,so i do
you go back to the dance floor and dance like a crazy horney rabbir/drunk fish all over this kinda fat chic,it was hilarious,,then you find your own empty space on the dancefloor and roll around like a fish doin some wierd fish dance,,then you go out with your one,,u meet her,,(suposidely),,i walk out and see you get her number,,her frined tell us she hates irish guys n.ireland guys and american guys?,,we walk down the street,,,u start screaming some shit and jump into a puddle and rip up a wet newspaper saying "shut the fuck up!",,,( i have video evidence)(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tN96j... scream at cars for a while,,then you tell shanes french friend who was reall pissed off at something that you lke frogs,,her friend goes,,"im sure thats racist",,then you say something else racist,,,they fuck off,,we head towards grafton street

2. at the entrance to grafton street you grab me and say "your dead to me david cogan" and fuck me into a glass door and continue to try and throw me threw it,,i had to use all my strenght to escape,,now i was kinda scared,,so we walk down g street and you shout some more,,kick some bike real hard then say,,"look,im an arse hole"(youtube.com/watch?v=yDrXi1rbrD0),,then you shout at some payphone callin it a fucking dyson,,you try to go get into the club on your own,,the bouncer saw you do all that shit and more,,he tells you to fuck off,,you try to get in a secong time,,he gets real pissed and tells you to get the fuck away from him,,shane gets in ,,,im stuck with you,,,yes!

3. so im stcuk with you on g street and you say you want to go to a club,,some chic gives us flyers to go to a club nnamed wax,,i say it looks good,,you walk off on your own,,i call you,,you dont answer,i run up to you and ask what you were doin,,you go "im goin to the club,",,i go what club,,,you go any club,,,i convince you to get a burger king,,i get a burger,,,you ask for a chicken stripers meal,,she askes ye what drink ye want,,you say u dont want a drink,,or chips,,,,ha,,we eat,,u find a ball of burger king packaging,,,you rip it up all over the table,,,,we leave,,you wander inti lilly bordelos on your own,,you dont get in...i ask him where wax is,,,we go to wax

4. we get to wax and the guys ask us for id,,you give the guy a super crumpled up driver license,,he askes if you were drinkin,,you hiccupe,,you were actually hiccuping alot in g street aswell,,well you hiccupe and mumble no,,i say that you just woke up,,,they ask ye if you just woke up and you say that youve just finished college?!?!,,,ha,he goes right its a fiver and points to the cashier,,you try to give the bouncer a tener,,he looks at you like,,,what an ass,,i drag you to the cashier,,,we pay,,you walk down the stairs,,the bouncers look at you walk down to make sure your not locked and fall down them,,,somehow you didnt,,we get to the entrance and you turn to me and go "ahhhh how`d i get in",,we walk in and its a small club but the musics kickin,,its like daft punk on acid,,we dance straight away,,you take off your jacket and leave it on one o the speakers,,i tell u not to do that,,you keep dancin,,,i go to the cloakroom,,the one there was hot,,i give her my jacket,,pay 2 euros she gives me aticket,,job done,then you start countin out 2 euro to pay her,,we tell you that ive already paid,,you go,,yeh i gona get a jacket,,your one just looks at you laughs and walks off,,,you go "dammit"

5. so we dance for a good while,,by now you have your t-shirt off,,some guy rubbed your nipples,you didnt mind,,then you kept rippin posters off the dj box and throwin them around,,?
w drink and that,,i bump into some hot italian chic,,i thought she was spanish though,,she looks at me and some how a dance off ensues,,i was like yeh man im gona get stuck in!,,so i leave you,,i thought you`d realise my situation,, ii duno if you realised but,,so i dance with this chic for like 20 mins showin her every move i know,,she copies them all no matter how stupid,,but still no sexy time,,she gets bored and f`s off,,i go for a rollie,,,,i find you ,,,you grab some randmers hoddy and put it on inside out,,,,i tell you that thats not your hoody,,you mumble that it is,,we dance for a good while,,i was wreaked by then,,your one does ent meny miny mo with me and two other guys then dances with me again,,yea!,,we dance,,,i look at you and you look like your about to fall asleep in the corner,,i want to wake you but ive got this chic dancin with me,,so i cant like,,the music ends,,i talk to ye one,,find out shes italian,,loads of her male friends ar around her so i try to speak french.,,,thank god they couldnt,,i kiss her one the cheeks and say choi,,i lookj for you,,find your jacket in the corner,,look in the jacks,,cant find you anywhere,,,,so i leave the club and ring ye

6. this is where the madness starts,,,i ring you and ask where are you,,you say grafton street,,so i go to grafton street thinkin,,,right he f`d off on me,,but he was locked,,and hes not too far away,,so i can return that hoody he took,,i arrive at g street and cant find you,,i ring you,,i ask r you beside the big christmas tree ,,you go "yes",,so i go to the big tree,,,cant find you,,i ring you again,,my phone starts beepin indicating that theres no battery left,,i ask where r you,,i have no battery,tell me now,,,you say that your on g street beside some jeans shop called barnos,,i look for this shop,,cant find it,,,ring you again,,you say your at burger king,,i go,,well he must be on g street then,, i must o missed him somewhere,,so i go to the first b king,,,you aint there,,so i go to the one at the other end of g street,,you aint there either,,now im pissed,,i ring you again and speak really slow and ask again,,,where the fuck r u,,,you say,,get this,,temple bar,,,,i go right,,so i go to temple bar,,,you aint there,,surprise surprise,,so i go to ring you again,,my phone dies,,i look to the heavens,,i go to the shop,,but some rap and get change,, i ring you off a pay phone,,i go,,"where r u paddy,,my phone has just died i have your jacket and im angry,,just tell me where r u",,you tell me that your in a bloody taxi,,,i curse at you,,u tell the taxi man to come get me,,15 mins later you come,,i get in,,

7. i ask you why you left the club without me,,you say "i dont remember",,i ask is this your unkle,,you say "no",,i ask why you didnt get a free taxi,,u dont know,,i ask do u even know where grafton street is,,you say "no",,i ask why you sent me up and down grafton street,,you say u dont remember,,i ask why u left the club without me and got a taxi on your own when you knew that id be stuck in town on my own,,you go "i dont remember",,i ask you why u took someone elses jacket,,you look at this fancy corde jacket you have and go "wow",,like,,wtf!,,how could you not realise that?
you go "this jacket is way too fancy for me",,then you find a wallet in the jacket and are like"wow a wallet",,i give out to you for the whole journey and you dont know why im angry cause you cant remeber what happened 15 mins ago?,, you go dont be angry your gettin a free lift home,,,,but when i get to my gaf i have to pay 20,,i go to bed pissed off,,,,,

THE END