Shuffle Your Feet Lose Your Seat

Yes, that's right if one does stay connected with the world you might miss a few things. Lucky I'm here in between the cracks catching all the strange and wonderful news in the world. To begin Justice, not french electro band Justice but rather Iranian Justice, which states if you are caught hanging around strange men that's against the law, unfortunately this woman hung around with 7 strange men, who raped her and yet she's in trouble??? I JUST DON'T GET IT. Want all the detailsHead here. In other news Tom Cruise's 'Tropic Thunder' Fat-Suit Photo Leaks Online, Spoils His 'Secret' Cameo, I really disbelieve this was leaked rather let out to create some buzz about this new movie but it does sound like it might be a hilarious movie. The movie is described as a funny "Apocalypse Now," the movie stars Black, Stiller, Robert Downey Jr. and Matthew McConaughey in the tale of in-over-their-heads actors caught up in a real-life action story. Here's the picture but I have a feeling it'll be pulled soon, so get your behind their now. Not so much news as for the end of the summer I was glue to reading this guys website/blog thing, every story makes you cringe or cry laughing and ladies he knows what he is "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.". He may be an asshole but if half of this is true, I want a share a pint with him.Heres a link to one of my favourite stories.

3 am Library Trip

My Adventures

Found out lying can be fun guy but the truth will always save you in the end. Ended telling my momma and my poppa that I going to did an assignment up in the library. I was working extra hard and would be home late, I would be famished and maybe have some sort of finger disorder after working so hard. Sadly this was untrue. Yes, it was a lie, a fabrication of my evil twisted mind(but it was a good one;)). I in fact had only a tiny bit of work to do, my true intention was to get drunk, and stay the night in Dundalk or as I call it corrupter of souls. My plan was in motion, I was in the bar drinking, yet texting my mum saying I was going to be one hour working on the project....LIES ALL LIES. I'm a bad man. Then i decided my lie would need to be more elaborate. I text my mum at 10:30pm, saying i was waiting by a bus stop, eagerly awaiting the public transport that reunite me with my family. Another foul lie. I was in fact drinking in an apartment. 11:00pm came around, now the icing on the lie cake or maybe the jam centre of the lie cake, it didn't matter what part of the delicious lie cake I was adding, as I sent a text saying missed the last bus staying in my mates apartment. After that I patted myself on the back for a lie well done, as I am a terrible lier and proceeded to get drunk and fall asleep.Little did I know the text never went through. I awoke, to vibrations. No it was not a mini earthquake, but my mobile also known as the lie machine. It was my dad. "Patrick where are you?" said my father. "I'm in the library" I calmly answered. "Really, the library stays open to 3am?" said my dad, "Oh wait I'm in someones apartment" I say. The phone call goes on, which leads to my dad coming to collect me at 3am. I pull myself together, releasing I had no top on, missing 20 euro and finding myself in an empty apartment. The end of the story leads to me not being allowed leave the house till sometime after Christmas.


NEVER LIE

Toliet Showers?

Good Night, yeah i changed the time on this baby.
promised myself I was going to post Monday but plans change as indulged in some drunkenness and cruelty over Monday and Tuesday.

Things I learned:

Vibrating bus seats are dangerous

More people should be named after animals "cow" "sheep" "tiger"

Never cartwheel for longer then an hour

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Video of the Day

This choice may be unpopular, but it hurts my brain and I love it. Someone out there will get it, if you do can you send me a picture of your elbows,thanking you in advance

Patrick

I'm Talking Gay Owls Here........

Rant

I'm 19.

Have a job.

Go to college.

Can drive a car.

And just lately learned how to clean my own bottom.

Yet i have just been grounded for a month,by the way did I mention I'm 19.

Hmmmmm, Pat you obviously left a cheese and ham toastie underneath your parents pillows.

I prefer paddy and no, what was my crime?

Well, I have a feeling this you will never guess.

I WENT TO A BOOK READING IN UCD!

I was also given permission to go,by my mother

Yet I found myself in hot water,when i got home

My parents reasoning behind the grounding in but of course roman numeral format;

1. The author was a convicted drug smuggler.
   
2. They believed Special Branch Gardie would sit in on the meeting.
   
3. They believed these officers would take photos of me and form dossier.
   
4. This would lead to me getting black-listed(this means getting parking tickets and being refused employment once an employer had done a background check.)
   

Please,if you think this is insane leave a comment.

If you don't you side with the parents,and I will kill you,like the pig you are:)

Song of the Day

Look out for the rainbow,that shoots out knives,I think that's the masterstroke of the video.

News

Wednesday night I went to a book reading UCD,as I mentioned.

Almost worth the grounding.

The criminal was none other then Mr. Nice,(Howard Marks)some amazing stories and he had such a laid back way about him

I'm going to have to buy all his books now.

After marks, I purchased four nagins of vodka.

I'll leave it to your imagination, what happened next.....because i don't remember:)

Anything else to report,everyone is fainting,Whats wrong with me,why can't I faint,life always deals me a rough hand

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Quote of the Week

This weeks quote comes from a crazy drunken Donegal woman:

"Are you wearing your runners over your socks?"

Griffins Corner

Paul Griffin's animal corner "Me and the owls are going out to the barn" #3 - The Angora Rabbit

Chow everyone, and welcome back to another mildly-enthralling edition of "An animal what is kinda good an' that".

This week's topical discussion features the angora rabbit, a little known form of rabbit native to western Europe (or L'Europe Occidentaux as the French call it).

First bred in 1843, by Sir Alfred Winterbottom, by cross-breeding a normal rabbit with a cushion, the sudden emergence of angora rabbits onto the market was a big boom for the rabbit industry, which at the time was losing ground to other more popular rodents such as guinea pigs, gerbils and the common pink hamsters.

Resembling a cushion with a rabbit's face, the angora rabbit is unfortunately becoming extinct after only 150 years of existence.

This is due to an error on the part of us humans, who, in mistaking them for actual cushions, accidentally sit on them, smothering and crushing them to death.

This resulted in the formation of the SSSAR (the Society of Safety from Sitting for Angora Rabbits) which to this days combats the troubles facing the lives of angora rabbits worldwide.

Unfortunately however, the society only has two members, one of which is himself an angora rabbit, and despite the fact that they are a government funded organization, the SSSAR, rarely gets anything done.

Ever.

Although they did organize a table quiz once which did raise 37 English Sterling, good on them.

The Angora Rabbit's diet includes mostly eating lettuce and carrots, and drinking water from a small container usually attached to the side of their cage.

However they do NOT like "Time Out" bars as they play havoc with the Angora Rabbits' digestion.

Angora Rabbits have a life expectancy of around 7 years, depending on whether or not their owners are Ophthalmologically sound.

That is, if they aren't blind enough not to distinguish their rare expensive pet from a cushion.

More information about angora rabbits can be found at the following websites;

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Know what I know

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Learn the ways of the rabbit

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RABBITS RABBITS RABBITS

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God Himself

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That is all for this morning, I hope you enjoyed our little weekly visit through animal land, be sure to catch next weeks train, same animal time, same animal CHANNEL!

Chow Wiedersehen,

Paul Griffin

I should be so lucky,lucky,lucky...LUCKY CHARMS

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Life as I know it

My news starts from Sunday, headed into animal collective in Tripod.

All I wanted from the gig was maybe to get some how pregnant of the awesomeness of the band and give birth to some freakishly obscure musician just like Arnold Schwarzenegger did,that man beats me to everything ARGH.

Turns out I have none of the signs of pregnancy,seemingly if you make yourself sick in the morning, it doesn't count.

The reason why i didn't get my rock baby, is mainly due to the fact i almost fell asleep at the concert.

I know what your thinking, did you even give them a chance?

The answer is yes, and OK i knew they might try some new stuff out, fine but they started really rocking my socks off, when a man with a miners light on his head told me that the singer has the flu and can't rock out too much, so they stopped playing and so began Panda Bear.

I wept on the nearest bald man and continued to listen to what I was later told was Panda Bear some sort solo project by one of the band members,which was half decent.

Oh by the way, the singer got the flu thanks to Manchester idiots smashing in their tour van.....thanks,you super massive assholes(muse fans might get that;))

all and all i was disappointed to say the least.

From that night some how, text roulette lead to my friend being accused of being sick and to have sampled the pleasures of someones "lady garden", who he mostly certainly did not touch.....recently.

By the way for the untrained Kat's reading, text roulette is where you make up a rather dubious sentence and send it by text by blindly scrolling down your list of contacts,try it,bound to give you at least one awkward smile next time you see someone

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Things I received from my newly returned father

1. Lucky Charms
   
2. Rangers Jacket
   
3. A Pocket Towel????
   

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Song of the Day

Can't get enough of this crowd, I cant believe I missed them at electric picnic

.....psst by the way electric picnic tickets are out soon,get some

Dreams will be in the next installment I swear on a grave that I named Ellen

Kitten Turtles or Turtle Cats?

Well hello there, back to writing, even on my bloody study week. So here's the latest from my life, went to arcade fire in a jazz taxi. Yeah a jazz taxi, I think I impressed every cool Kat in the room with that statement.





Any who, if arcade fire was a cat its dad would be a dragon and its mom would organise all the workers in the world and set up a workers paradise.....I think I've strayed off point, what I'm trying to say is arcade fire blew my socks off.

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What else, oh stayed in UCD. Went to a great electro gig ,till 2am,got offered pills once more,I'M NOT A PILL HEAD. Bouncers were so sound there,even if they did take the piss out of my dance moves. Learned three things

• Donegal women are violent when drunk
• Nuttel should never be smeared in a toilet,as it can really unsettle a stomach at 5am
• Never sleep on wooden furniture, you will start to devolve(is that a word?)

Song of the day

Stays with you like postman pat or some sort of glue sweating stalker.



More news i went to duke special in Drogheda, it was simply a magic gig. Unknown to me the opening act were drag queens called the ladies blue, and they made eye love to my friend Roy. Roy soaked it up like a Love sponge. Enough about drag queens, I stole a broomstick and sweeped Drogheda, nothing better. Also the lead singer of duke special kept me enthralled for the whole gig. He also pointed out to the audience that my friend was in his music video and my mate got a round of applause. Just an amazing vibe for the whole thing.

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OH yeah, Happy Halloween.
I'm hoping my next post will have my dreams in it, you might as well just sit at your computer and wait till I post again.