This little ditty smacked me in the face this afternoon and said listen to me over and over and over again. Thank God im a good listener.(get it) Alot more crummy jokes in this blog. HOORAY!
Friday, January 18, 2008
Zombie Blog!
Back from the dead,and now part of the living dead I have been thinking,either I could go around pushing over old people and pregnant women in the streets or voice my opinions here,where maybe someone listens.
So anything new hoochie momma? (im asking myself questions,strange maybe even very strange)
Yes I have some news,my dad had a mini stroke, I got an elf suit for christmas, I love my new iPod, I hate my poverty, I am going to Radiohead, I broke two fingers......., the list goes on.
I think that was a good start, The only thing I need to do now,is go crawling back to Griffin and get his dolittleness back.
Please God he comes back!
Hopefully you get the picture joke below.
So anything new hoochie momma? (im asking myself questions,strange maybe even very strange)
Yes I have some news,my dad had a mini stroke, I got an elf suit for christmas, I love my new iPod, I hate my poverty, I am going to Radiohead, I broke two fingers......., the list goes on.
I think that was a good start, The only thing I need to do now,is go crawling back to Griffin and get his dolittleness back.
Please God he comes back!
Hopefully you get the picture joke below.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
12 Day Advent Calendar
Well guess who didn't get an advent calendar this year.....Its moi by the way!
So, my brain cogs began moving into overdrive, and i decided I'd make my own one, take that corporate Advent calendar pigs, you wont be getting fat off my hard earned money! Hope you enjoy!
Oh yeah this is like I don't know like jesus's first car, back then I guess!
12 Days of Songs For Christmas
You may question this first choice, well maybe you should, or maybe someone should listen to the fricking lyrics! He says Christmas lights, I think this song is about an angel the singer met in a butcher shop in Paris, he called out "Angels like lamb?",she turned and got knocked down by a polish lorry driver who lost his license a week ago for falling asleep at the wheel because of the pain killers he was on made him drowsy, and he was only on the painkillers because him and his wife found radioactive mice in their chest of drawers and they began raising the family of rodents, trying to raise them to be like the ninja mutant hero mice, but instead they were both dying from radioactive poisoning. Anyway the angel ends up in hospital the singer runs around the hospital looking for her and it turns out the angel wasn't an angel but rather a human woman, yes a human woman, SHOCKING! Maybe you really do know, please leave a comment.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Here To Stay Song
I was going to give up blogging, Hold the Kleenex just yet, I'm sticking around, yeah that's around that one person from Serbia who viewed my page for half a second I'm staying, and yes i can hear what you think. And to your answer your question Yoro-Kery goro from Serbia, I do think the other side of pillows are freezing! OK enjoy the choons, yes i can use slang now, wicked cool and all that jibber jabber!
P.S. Finally a girl fits eels into her lyrics, about time if you ask me
Paul Griffin’s Animal Corner #5 – The Tarsier: “Mommy, what’s wrong with that man’s face?”
Merci mes amis, et bienvenue à Paul Griffin’s coin d’animaux. Aujourd’hui, nous avons un nouveau… Oh excuse the French! Anyways, on with today’s mildly offensive view at nature’s freaks. Today we have the Tarsier, which is of course a magnificent beast, which originated in Bristol around the 1970s.
Little is known about the Tarsier, and indeed it wasn’t actually discovered until 1997, as a participant on then-daily TV show “Blockbusters”. The particular Tarsier on the show claimed that he would like to become a DJ and perhaps even a writer. High hopes for the new species. It was later discovered that Tarsiers had been around for up to 20 years before the show, and had only emerged when the opportunity to appear on TV showed up.
After the Blockbusters appearance, the Tarsiers went missing again. They were not heard of again until in 1999, on “Poxy radio station” Xfm London, the low Bristol drone of the Tarsiers once again rocked the airwaves. It seemed that the Tarsier that had previously claimed fame on then-daily TV show Blockbusters, was now hosting a week-end Radio show alongside rotund funnyman, Ricky Gervais. This continued until the station was bought by rival station Capital FM.
During the hiatus, the Tarsier, who had by now become Gervais’ close friend and writing partner, wrote what was to become one of Britain’s best loved sitcoms, “the office”. This ran for 2 seasons, and also 2 bonus Christmas episodes were recorded. While Gervais took the limelight as rotund funnyman boss, David Brent, the Tarsier was content to sit back and concentrate on the writing duties, although he did make a cameo appearance as “Oggy”.
After writing “the office” the Tarsier returned to Xfm, once again alongside rotund funnyman, Ricky Gervais and “Baldy Headed Manc Twat with a Head like a F*cking Orange” Karl Pilkington. This incantation of the Xfm show ran for 4 seasons, finally ending in 2005. After which, the Tarsier both co-wrote and took on a major, award-winning turn as incompetent agent Darren Lamb, in follow-up sitcom, “Extras”.
After the success of the Xfm show, the Tarsier once again reunited with rotund funnyman, Ricky Gervais and “Round Headed Little Bod” Karl Pilkington for a series of podcasts. These underwent unforeseen success, even breaking into the Guinness Book of World Records for most downloaded Podcast ever.
Unfortunately, the Tarsier does undergo some criticism, normally for looking like a “Goggle Eyed Freak”, “Lanky Co-Writer”, and “Weird Piece of Art”, but it is still written in the stars as to what lies in store for the cheeky 6 foot 7 inch creature. Good Luck Tarsier, I say. Good Luck.
Anyway I know this week’s was a bit of a shambles but next week’s will be better I swear, y’know, tests an’ that, your pal, Paul Griffin.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Davids Testimony
right,i have to write all this again because it all just fuckin dissapeared!!!!!!!!,,,so gay right well again,this is the story of paddy g,last night
1. right so,,i walk into the suger club soaking wet after lookin for it for like 20 mins,,i see like 20 people and u and shane,,,you see me ang mad,,you tell me how great this place is even though it was kinda shit,,we go for drinks and you buy me a guiness and a whiskey for you,,,u make me drink the whiskey,,i mean like scream your head off goin,,drink it! drink it!!!!!,,so i do
you go back to the dance floor and dance like a crazy horney rabbir/drunk fish all over this kinda fat chic,it was hilarious,,then you find your own empty space on the dancefloor and roll around like a fish doin some wierd fish dance,,then you go out with your one,,u meet her,,(suposidely),,i walk out and see you get her number,,her frined tell us she hates irish guys n.ireland guys and american guys?,,we walk down the street,,,u start screaming some shit and jump into a puddle and rip up a wet newspaper saying "shut the fuck up!",,,( i have video evidence)(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tN96j... scream at cars for a while,,then you tell shanes french friend who was reall pissed off at something that you lke frogs,,her friend goes,,"im sure thats racist",,then you say something else racist,,,they fuck off,,we head towards grafton street
2. at the entrance to grafton street you grab me and say "your dead to me david cogan" and fuck me into a glass door and continue to try and throw me threw it,,i had to use all my strenght to escape,,now i was kinda scared,,so we walk down g street and you shout some more,,kick some bike real hard then say,,"look,im an arse hole"(youtube.com/watch?v=yDrXi1rbrD0),,then you shout at some payphone callin it a fucking dyson,,you try to go get into the club on your own,,the bouncer saw you do all that shit and more,,he tells you to fuck off,,you try to get in a secong time,,he gets real pissed and tells you to get the fuck away from him,,shane gets in ,,,im stuck with you,,,yes!
3. so im stcuk with you on g street and you say you want to go to a club,,some chic gives us flyers to go to a club nnamed wax,,i say it looks good,,you walk off on your own,,i call you,,you dont answer,i run up to you and ask what you were doin,,you go "im goin to the club,",,i go what club,,,you go any club,,,i convince you to get a burger king,,i get a burger,,,you ask for a chicken stripers meal,,she askes ye what drink ye want,,you say u dont want a drink,,or chips,,,,ha,,we eat,,u find a ball of burger king packaging,,,you rip it up all over the table,,,,we leave,,you wander inti lilly bordelos on your own,,you dont get in...i ask him where wax is,,,we go to wax
4. we get to wax and the guys ask us for id,,you give the guy a super crumpled up driver license,,he askes if you were drinkin,,you hiccupe,,you were actually hiccuping alot in g street aswell,,well you hiccupe and mumble no,,i say that you just woke up,,,they ask ye if you just woke up and you say that youve just finished college?!?!,,,ha,he goes right its a fiver and points to the cashier,,you try to give the bouncer a tener,,he looks at you like,,,what an ass,,i drag you to the cashier,,,we pay,,you walk down the stairs,,the bouncers look at you walk down to make sure your not locked and fall down them,,,somehow you didnt,,we get to the entrance and you turn to me and go "ahhhh how`d i get in",,we walk in and its a small club but the musics kickin,,its like daft punk on acid,,we dance straight away,,you take off your jacket and leave it on one o the speakers,,i tell u not to do that,,you keep dancin,,,i go to the cloakroom,,the one there was hot,,i give her my jacket,,pay 2 euros she gives me aticket,,job done,then you start countin out 2 euro to pay her,,we tell you that ive already paid,,you go,,yeh i gona get a jacket,,your one just looks at you laughs and walks off,,,you go "dammit"
5. so we dance for a good while,,by now you have your t-shirt off,,some guy rubbed your nipples,you didnt mind,,then you kept rippin posters off the dj box and throwin them around,,?
w drink and that,,i bump into some hot italian chic,,i thought she was spanish though,,she looks at me and some how a dance off ensues,,i was like yeh man im gona get stuck in!,,so i leave you,,i thought you`d realise my situation,, ii duno if you realised but,,so i dance with this chic for like 20 mins showin her every move i know,,she copies them all no matter how stupid,,but still no sexy time,,she gets bored and f`s off,,i go for a rollie,,,,i find you ,,,you grab some randmers hoddy and put it on inside out,,,,i tell you that thats not your hoody,,you mumble that it is,,we dance for a good while,,i was wreaked by then,,your one does ent meny miny mo with me and two other guys then dances with me again,,yea!,,we dance,,,i look at you and you look like your about to fall asleep in the corner,,i want to wake you but ive got this chic dancin with me,,so i cant like,,the music ends,,i talk to ye one,,find out shes italian,,loads of her male friends ar around her so i try to speak french.,,,thank god they couldnt,,i kiss her one the cheeks and say choi,,i lookj for you,,find your jacket in the corner,,look in the jacks,,cant find you anywhere,,,,so i leave the club and ring ye
6. this is where the madness starts,,,i ring you and ask where are you,,you say grafton street,,so i go to grafton street thinkin,,,right he f`d off on me,,but he was locked,,and hes not too far away,,so i can return that hoody he took,,i arrive at g street and cant find you,,i ring you,,i ask r you beside the big christmas tree ,,you go "yes",,so i go to the big tree,,,cant find you,,i ring you again,,my phone starts beepin indicating that theres no battery left,,i ask where r you,,i have no battery,tell me now,,,you say that your on g street beside some jeans shop called barnos,,i look for this shop,,cant find it,,,ring you again,,you say your at burger king,,i go,,well he must be on g street then,, i must o missed him somewhere,,so i go to the first b king,,,you aint there,,so i go to the one at the other end of g street,,you aint there either,,now im pissed,,i ring you again and speak really slow and ask again,,,where the fuck r u,,,you say,,get this,,temple bar,,,,i go right,,so i go to temple bar,,,you aint there,,surprise surprise,,so i go to ring you again,,my phone dies,,i look to the heavens,,i go to the shop,,but some rap and get change,, i ring you off a pay phone,,i go,,"where r u paddy,,my phone has just died i have your jacket and im angry,,just tell me where r u",,you tell me that your in a bloody taxi,,,i curse at you,,u tell the taxi man to come get me,,15 mins later you come,,i get in,,
7. i ask you why you left the club without me,,you say "i dont remember",,i ask is this your unkle,,you say "no",,i ask why you didnt get a free taxi,,u dont know,,i ask do u even know where grafton street is,,you say "no",,i ask why you sent me up and down grafton street,,you say u dont remember,,i ask why u left the club without me and got a taxi on your own when you knew that id be stuck in town on my own,,you go "i dont remember",,i ask you why u took someone elses jacket,,you look at this fancy corde jacket you have and go "wow",,like,,wtf!,,how could you not realise that?
you go "this jacket is way too fancy for me",,then you find a wallet in the jacket and are like"wow a wallet",,i give out to you for the whole journey and you dont know why im angry cause you cant remeber what happened 15 mins ago?,, you go dont be angry your gettin a free lift home,,,,but when i get to my gaf i have to pay 20,,i go to bed pissed off,,,,,
THE END
1. right so,,i walk into the suger club soaking wet after lookin for it for like 20 mins,,i see like 20 people and u and shane,,,you see me ang mad,,you tell me how great this place is even though it was kinda shit,,we go for drinks and you buy me a guiness and a whiskey for you,,,u make me drink the whiskey,,i mean like scream your head off goin,,drink it! drink it!!!!!,,so i do
you go back to the dance floor and dance like a crazy horney rabbir/drunk fish all over this kinda fat chic,it was hilarious,,then you find your own empty space on the dancefloor and roll around like a fish doin some wierd fish dance,,then you go out with your one,,u meet her,,(suposidely),,i walk out and see you get her number,,her frined tell us she hates irish guys n.ireland guys and american guys?,,we walk down the street,,,u start screaming some shit and jump into a puddle and rip up a wet newspaper saying "shut the fuck up!",,,( i have video evidence)(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tN96j... scream at cars for a while,,then you tell shanes french friend who was reall pissed off at something that you lke frogs,,her friend goes,,"im sure thats racist",,then you say something else racist,,,they fuck off,,we head towards grafton street
2. at the entrance to grafton street you grab me and say "your dead to me david cogan" and fuck me into a glass door and continue to try and throw me threw it,,i had to use all my strenght to escape,,now i was kinda scared,,so we walk down g street and you shout some more,,kick some bike real hard then say,,"look,im an arse hole"(youtube.com/watch?v=yDrXi1rbrD0),,then you shout at some payphone callin it a fucking dyson,,you try to go get into the club on your own,,the bouncer saw you do all that shit and more,,he tells you to fuck off,,you try to get in a secong time,,he gets real pissed and tells you to get the fuck away from him,,shane gets in ,,,im stuck with you,,,yes!
3. so im stcuk with you on g street and you say you want to go to a club,,some chic gives us flyers to go to a club nnamed wax,,i say it looks good,,you walk off on your own,,i call you,,you dont answer,i run up to you and ask what you were doin,,you go "im goin to the club,",,i go what club,,,you go any club,,,i convince you to get a burger king,,i get a burger,,,you ask for a chicken stripers meal,,she askes ye what drink ye want,,you say u dont want a drink,,or chips,,,,ha,,we eat,,u find a ball of burger king packaging,,,you rip it up all over the table,,,,we leave,,you wander inti lilly bordelos on your own,,you dont get in...i ask him where wax is,,,we go to wax
4. we get to wax and the guys ask us for id,,you give the guy a super crumpled up driver license,,he askes if you were drinkin,,you hiccupe,,you were actually hiccuping alot in g street aswell,,well you hiccupe and mumble no,,i say that you just woke up,,,they ask ye if you just woke up and you say that youve just finished college?!?!,,,ha,he goes right its a fiver and points to the cashier,,you try to give the bouncer a tener,,he looks at you like,,,what an ass,,i drag you to the cashier,,,we pay,,you walk down the stairs,,the bouncers look at you walk down to make sure your not locked and fall down them,,,somehow you didnt,,we get to the entrance and you turn to me and go "ahhhh how`d i get in",,we walk in and its a small club but the musics kickin,,its like daft punk on acid,,we dance straight away,,you take off your jacket and leave it on one o the speakers,,i tell u not to do that,,you keep dancin,,,i go to the cloakroom,,the one there was hot,,i give her my jacket,,pay 2 euros she gives me aticket,,job done,then you start countin out 2 euro to pay her,,we tell you that ive already paid,,you go,,yeh i gona get a jacket,,your one just looks at you laughs and walks off,,,you go "dammit"
5. so we dance for a good while,,by now you have your t-shirt off,,some guy rubbed your nipples,you didnt mind,,then you kept rippin posters off the dj box and throwin them around,,?
w drink and that,,i bump into some hot italian chic,,i thought she was spanish though,,she looks at me and some how a dance off ensues,,i was like yeh man im gona get stuck in!,,so i leave you,,i thought you`d realise my situation,, ii duno if you realised but,,so i dance with this chic for like 20 mins showin her every move i know,,she copies them all no matter how stupid,,but still no sexy time,,she gets bored and f`s off,,i go for a rollie,,,,i find you ,,,you grab some randmers hoddy and put it on inside out,,,,i tell you that thats not your hoody,,you mumble that it is,,we dance for a good while,,i was wreaked by then,,your one does ent meny miny mo with me and two other guys then dances with me again,,yea!,,we dance,,,i look at you and you look like your about to fall asleep in the corner,,i want to wake you but ive got this chic dancin with me,,so i cant like,,the music ends,,i talk to ye one,,find out shes italian,,loads of her male friends ar around her so i try to speak french.,,,thank god they couldnt,,i kiss her one the cheeks and say choi,,i lookj for you,,find your jacket in the corner,,look in the jacks,,cant find you anywhere,,,,so i leave the club and ring ye
6. this is where the madness starts,,,i ring you and ask where are you,,you say grafton street,,so i go to grafton street thinkin,,,right he f`d off on me,,but he was locked,,and hes not too far away,,so i can return that hoody he took,,i arrive at g street and cant find you,,i ring you,,i ask r you beside the big christmas tree ,,you go "yes",,so i go to the big tree,,,cant find you,,i ring you again,,my phone starts beepin indicating that theres no battery left,,i ask where r you,,i have no battery,tell me now,,,you say that your on g street beside some jeans shop called barnos,,i look for this shop,,cant find it,,,ring you again,,you say your at burger king,,i go,,well he must be on g street then,, i must o missed him somewhere,,so i go to the first b king,,,you aint there,,so i go to the one at the other end of g street,,you aint there either,,now im pissed,,i ring you again and speak really slow and ask again,,,where the fuck r u,,,you say,,get this,,temple bar,,,,i go right,,so i go to temple bar,,,you aint there,,surprise surprise,,so i go to ring you again,,my phone dies,,i look to the heavens,,i go to the shop,,but some rap and get change,, i ring you off a pay phone,,i go,,"where r u paddy,,my phone has just died i have your jacket and im angry,,just tell me where r u",,you tell me that your in a bloody taxi,,,i curse at you,,u tell the taxi man to come get me,,15 mins later you come,,i get in,,
7. i ask you why you left the club without me,,you say "i dont remember",,i ask is this your unkle,,you say "no",,i ask why you didnt get a free taxi,,u dont know,,i ask do u even know where grafton street is,,you say "no",,i ask why you sent me up and down grafton street,,you say u dont remember,,i ask why u left the club without me and got a taxi on your own when you knew that id be stuck in town on my own,,you go "i dont remember",,i ask you why u took someone elses jacket,,you look at this fancy corde jacket you have and go "wow",,like,,wtf!,,how could you not realise that?
you go "this jacket is way too fancy for me",,then you find a wallet in the jacket and are like"wow a wallet",,i give out to you for the whole journey and you dont know why im angry cause you cant remeber what happened 15 mins ago?,, you go dont be angry your gettin a free lift home,,,,but when i get to my gaf i have to pay 20,,i go to bed pissed off,,,,,
THE END
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