Magnetic Mandible

Music to Rediscover

2008-01-18T19:59:00.000Z

This little ditty smacked me in the face this afternoon and said listen to me over and over and over again. Thank God im a good listener.(get it) Alot more crummy jokes in this blog. HOORAY!

Zombie Blog!

2008-01-18T19:51:00.001Z

Back from the dead,and now part of the living dead I have been thinking,either I could go around pushing over old people and pregnant women in the streets or voice my opinions here,where maybe someone listens.

So anything new hoochie momma? (im asking myself questions,strange maybe even very strange)

Yes I have some news,my dad had a mini stroke, I got an elf suit for christmas, I love my new iPod, I hate my poverty, I am going to Radiohead, I broke two fingers......., the list goes on.

I think that was a good start, The only thing I need to do now,is go crawling back to Griffin and get his dolittleness back.
Please God he comes back!

Hopefully you get the picture joke below.

12 Day Advent Calendar

2007-12-13T23:39:00.000Z

Well guess who didn't get an advent calendar this year.....Its moi by the way!
So, my brain cogs began moving into overdrive, and i decided I'd make my own one, take that corporate Advent calendar pigs, you wont be getting fat off my hard earned money! Hope you enjoy!

Oh yeah this is like I don't know like jesus's first car, back then I guess!

12 Days of Songs For Christmas

2007-12-13T23:17:00.000Z

You may question this first choice, well maybe you should, or maybe someone should listen to the fricking lyrics! He says Christmas lights, I think this song is about an angel the singer met in a butcher shop in Paris, he called out "Angels like lamb?",she turned and got knocked down by a polish lorry driver who lost his license a week ago for falling asleep at the wheel because of the pain killers he was on made him drowsy, and he was only on the painkillers because him and his wife found radioactive mice in their chest of drawers and they began raising the family of rodents, trying to raise them to be like the ninja mutant hero mice, but instead they were both dying from radioactive poisoning. Anyway the angel ends up in hospital the singer runs around the hospital looking for her and it turns out the angel wasn't an angel but rather a human woman, yes a human woman, SHOCKING! Maybe you really do know, please leave a comment.

Here To Stay Song

2007-12-12T22:38:00.000Z

I was going to give up blogging, Hold the Kleenex just yet, I'm sticking around, yeah that's around that one person from Serbia who viewed my page for half a second I'm staying, and yes i can hear what you think. And to your answer your question Yoro-Kery goro from Serbia, I do think the other side of pillows are freezing! OK enjoy the choons, yes i can use slang now, wicked cool and all that jibber jabber!

P.S. Finally a girl fits eels into her lyrics, about time if you ask me

Paul Griffin’s Animal Corner #5 – The Tarsier: “Mommy, what’s wrong with that man’s face?”

2007-12-12T22:13:00.000Z

Merci mes amis, et bienvenue à Paul Griffin’s coin d’animaux. Aujourd’hui, nous avons un nouveau… Oh excuse the French! Anyways, on with today’s mildly offensive view at nature’s freaks. Today we have the Tarsier, which is of course a magnificent beast, which originated in Bristol around the 1970s.

Little is known about the Tarsier, and indeed it wasn’t actually discovered until 1997, as a participant on then-daily TV show “Blockbusters”. The particular Tarsier on the show claimed that he would like to become a DJ and perhaps even a writer. High hopes for the new species. It was later discovered that Tarsiers had been around for up to 20 years before the show, and had only emerged when the opportunity to appear on TV showed up.
After the Blockbusters appearance, the Tarsiers went missing again. They were not heard of again until in 1999, on “Poxy radio station” Xfm London, the low Bristol drone of the Tarsiers once again rocked the airwaves. It seemed that the Tarsier that had previously claimed fame on then-daily TV show Blockbusters, was now hosting a week-end Radio show alongside rotund funnyman, Ricky Gervais. This continued until the station was bought by rival station Capital FM.
During the hiatus, the Tarsier, who had by now become Gervais’ close friend and writing partner, wrote what was to become one of Britain’s best loved sitcoms, “the office”. This ran for 2 seasons, and also 2 bonus Christmas episodes were recorded. While Gervais took the limelight as rotund funnyman boss, David Brent, the Tarsier was content to sit back and concentrate on the writing duties, although he did make a cameo appearance as “Oggy”.

After writing “the office” the Tarsier returned to Xfm, once again alongside rotund funnyman, Ricky Gervais and “Baldy Headed Manc Twat with a Head like a F*cking Orange” Karl Pilkington. This incantation of the Xfm show ran for 4 seasons, finally ending in 2005. After which, the Tarsier both co-wrote and took on a major, award-winning turn as incompetent agent Darren Lamb, in follow-up sitcom, “Extras”.
After the success of the Xfm show, the Tarsier once again reunited with rotund funnyman, Ricky Gervais and “Round Headed Little Bod” Karl Pilkington for a series of podcasts. These underwent unforeseen success, even breaking into the Guinness Book of World Records for most downloaded Podcast ever.
Unfortunately, the Tarsier does undergo some criticism, normally for looking like a “Goggle Eyed Freak”, “Lanky Co-Writer”, and “Weird Piece of Art”, but it is still written in the stars as to what lies in store for the cheeky 6 foot 7 inch creature. Good Luck Tarsier, I say. Good Luck.
Anyway I know this week’s was a bit of a shambles but next week’s will be better I swear, y’know, tests an’ that, your pal, Paul Griffin.

Davids Testimony

2007-12-07T16:48:00.000Z

right,i have to write all this again because it all just fuckin dissapeared!!!!!!!!,,,so gay right well again,this is the story of paddy g,last night

1. right so,,i walk into the suger club soaking wet after lookin for it for like 20 mins,,i see like 20 people and u and shane,,,you see me ang mad,,you tell me how great this place is even though it was kinda shit,,we go for drinks and you buy me a guiness and a whiskey for you,,,u make me drink the whiskey,,i mean like scream your head off goin,,drink it! drink it!!!!!,,so i do
you go back to the dance floor and dance like a crazy horney rabbir/drunk fish all over this kinda fat chic,it was hilarious,,then you find your own empty space on the dancefloor and roll around like a fish doin some wierd fish dance,,then you go out with your one,,u meet her,,(suposidely),,i walk out and see you get her number,,her frined tell us she hates irish guys n.ireland guys and american guys?,,we walk down the street,,,u start screaming some shit and jump into a puddle and rip up a wet newspaper saying "shut the fuck up!",,,( i have video evidence)(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tN96j... scream at cars for a while,,then you tell shanes french friend who was reall pissed off at something that you lke frogs,,her friend goes,,"im sure thats racist",,then you say something else racist,,,they fuck off,,we head towards grafton street

2. at the entrance to grafton street you grab me and say "your dead to me david cogan" and fuck me into a glass door and continue to try and throw me threw it,,i had to use all my strenght to escape,,now i was kinda scared,,so we walk down g street and you shout some more,,kick some bike real hard then say,,"look,im an arse hole"(youtube.com/watch?v=yDrXi1rbrD0),,then you shout at some payphone callin it a fucking dyson,,you try to go get into the club on your own,,the bouncer saw you do all that shit and more,,he tells you to fuck off,,you try to get in a secong time,,he gets real pissed and tells you to get the fuck away from him,,shane gets in ,,,im stuck with you,,,yes!

3. so im stcuk with you on g street and you say you want to go to a club,,some chic gives us flyers to go to a club nnamed wax,,i say it looks good,,you walk off on your own,,i call you,,you dont answer,i run up to you and ask what you were doin,,you go "im goin to the club,",,i go what club,,,you go any club,,,i convince you to get a burger king,,i get a burger,,,you ask for a chicken stripers meal,,she askes ye what drink ye want,,you say u dont want a drink,,or chips,,,,ha,,we eat,,u find a ball of burger king packaging,,,you rip it up all over the table,,,,we leave,,you wander inti lilly bordelos on your own,,you dont get in...i ask him where wax is,,,we go to wax

4. we get to wax and the guys ask us for id,,you give the guy a super crumpled up driver license,,he askes if you were drinkin,,you hiccupe,,you were actually hiccuping alot in g street aswell,,well you hiccupe and mumble no,,i say that you just woke up,,,they ask ye if you just woke up and you say that youve just finished college?!?!,,,ha,he goes right its a fiver and points to the cashier,,you try to give the bouncer a tener,,he looks at you like,,,what an ass,,i drag you to the cashier,,,we pay,,you walk down the stairs,,the bouncers look at you walk down to make sure your not locked and fall down them,,,somehow you didnt,,we get to the entrance and you turn to me and go "ahhhh how`d i get in",,we walk in and its a small club but the musics kickin,,its like daft punk on acid,,we dance straight away,,you take off your jacket and leave it on one o the speakers,,i tell u not to do that,,you keep dancin,,,i go to the cloakroom,,the one there was hot,,i give her my jacket,,pay 2 euros she gives me aticket,,job done,then you start countin out 2 euro to pay her,,we tell you that ive already paid,,you go,,yeh i gona get a jacket,,your one just looks at you laughs and walks off,,,you go "dammit"

5. so we dance for a good while,,by now you have your t-shirt off,,some guy rubbed your nipples,you didnt mind,,then you kept rippin posters off the dj box and throwin them around,,?
w drink and that,,i bump into some hot italian chic,,i thought she was spanish though,,she looks at me and some how a dance off ensues,,i was like yeh man im gona get stuck in!,,so i leave you,,i thought you`d realise my situation,, ii duno if you realised but,,so i dance with this chic for like 20 mins showin her every move i know,,she copies them all no matter how stupid,,but still no sexy time,,she gets bored and f`s off,,i go for a rollie,,,,i find you ,,,you grab some randmers hoddy and put it on inside out,,,,i tell you that thats not your hoody,,you mumble that it is,,we dance for a good while,,i was wreaked by then,,your one does ent meny miny mo with me and two other guys then dances with me again,,yea!,,we dance,,,i look at you and you look like your about to fall asleep in the corner,,i want to wake you but ive got this chic dancin with me,,so i cant like,,the music ends,,i talk to ye one,,find out shes italian,,loads of her male friends ar around her so i try to speak french.,,,thank god they couldnt,,i kiss her one the cheeks and say choi,,i lookj for you,,find your jacket in the corner,,look in the jacks,,cant find you anywhere,,,,so i leave the club and ring ye

6. this is where the madness starts,,,i ring you and ask where are you,,you say grafton street,,so i go to grafton street thinkin,,,right he f`d off on me,,but he was locked,,and hes not too far away,,so i can return that hoody he took,,i arrive at g street and cant find you,,i ring you,,i ask r you beside the big christmas tree ,,you go "yes",,so i go to the big tree,,,cant find you,,i ring you again,,my phone starts beepin indicating that theres no battery left,,i ask where r you,,i have no battery,tell me now,,,you say that your on g street beside some jeans shop called barnos,,i look for this shop,,cant find it,,,ring you again,,you say your at burger king,,i go,,well he must be on g street then,, i must o missed him somewhere,,so i go to the first b king,,,you aint there,,so i go to the one at the other end of g street,,you aint there either,,now im pissed,,i ring you again and speak really slow and ask again,,,where the fuck r u,,,you say,,get this,,temple bar,,,,i go right,,so i go to temple bar,,,you aint there,,surprise surprise,,so i go to ring you again,,my phone dies,,i look to the heavens,,i go to the shop,,but some rap and get change,, i ring you off a pay phone,,i go,,"where r u paddy,,my phone has just died i have your jacket and im angry,,just tell me where r u",,you tell me that your in a bloody taxi,,,i curse at you,,u tell the taxi man to come get me,,15 mins later you come,,i get in,,

7. i ask you why you left the club without me,,you say "i dont remember",,i ask is this your unkle,,you say "no",,i ask why you didnt get a free taxi,,u dont know,,i ask do u even know where grafton street is,,you say "no",,i ask why you sent me up and down grafton street,,you say u dont remember,,i ask why u left the club without me and got a taxi on your own when you knew that id be stuck in town on my own,,you go "i dont remember",,i ask you why u took someone elses jacket,,you look at this fancy corde jacket you have and go "wow",,like,,wtf!,,how could you not realise that?
you go "this jacket is way too fancy for me",,then you find a wallet in the jacket and are like"wow a wallet",,i give out to you for the whole journey and you dont know why im angry cause you cant remeber what happened 15 mins ago?,, you go dont be angry your gettin a free lift home,,,,but when i get to my gaf i have to pay 20,,i go to bed pissed off,,,,,

THE END

Paul Griffins Animal Corner "Is it cool me and your dog shower together?"

2007-12-04T14:36:00.000Z

The Blobfish.

From the deepest, darkest depths of the ocean, comes one of nature's greatest miracles, or blunders, depending on which way you look at it. Well, actually, regardless of any visual standpoint you take, the blobfish is one ugly mother.

Unlike the alpaca, the blobfish has never succeeded, economically speaking, neither has it overthrown entire governments. The Blobfish prefers to spend it's time aimlessly wobbling about the ocean floor. Due to it's lonely nature and freakish appearance, the blobfish has been made an outcast from society, and they normally travel alone, while the rest of the marine population idly stand by, pointing and laughing hysterically.

In more celebrity related news, Former US president Richard Nixon was once mistaken for a blobfish, thus became the famous quote "I am not a fish".

Other blobfish look-a-likes included Marlon Brando, Rodney Dangerfield and Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp.

Blobfish, unfortunately, is not a delicacy in any of the world's region although it is known to be edible while caked in lemon juice and served cold, with a side of cold fries, and boiling hot milk. For this reason, blobfish are rarely included on mainstream restaurant menus.

Anyway, c'est tout pour maintenant, j'espere que vous avez aprecié ce semaine, et je voudrais te voir encore la semaine prochaine.

Votre ami,

Sir Paul Griffin

Funky Morning Song

2007-12-04T13:42:00.000Z

Song of the day is just pure musical gold. It feels like someone has got a rather large needle. Put it in your ear. Injected your ears with rainbows and butterflies. Which by the way are bloody brilliant in your ears. Do remember kids, just never get that needle in your nipples because that's a completely different story. Stop bringing the pain, start taking the funk. Funk is proven to give the listener a happier and more funkolcious day. May, or may not, increase the risk of heart attacks.

Night Night Song

2007-11-30T00:39:00.000Z

Loved the introduction, had to post it up. Don't know the band that well but I think I just might be a fan of Clem Snide,even though I am lost on the name.
This song was brought to you by shifting through hundreds of other bloggers with good taste. Try it out.

Its T-time

2007-11-29T13:43:00.000Z

No not Mr T time but rather, I had two tests for Monday, college tests have the appearance of being simply but which like a lollipop you find in the fridge it may be deceptively hard.

How is searching the Internet with Google a test or using word or counting to ten(OK we haven't been asked to count to ten)????? Someone explain why I'm doing that. My man intuition or muition for short, says someone made my course and like the tastier then tasty cheese, yes Swiss cheese, it had holes that needed filling and they just clogged the holes with useless junk like that, why cant we just watch a film or make daisy chains or make body art??
I wish someone could tell me!

A Day of Thinking

2007-11-29T11:12:00.000Z

Above is a man inhaling smoke through his eyes dont know if thats possible, anyone>? Anyway I forgot how much i love blowing cold smoke (in the morning its really cold you can see smoke come out of your mouth),seriously I could do it for hours....ok maybe 20 minutes tops.Yet that is pretty good. Two favourite things to do with cold smoke pretend I'm a train or the old classic dragon man (thats the one that gets all the ladies;) ).

Other thoughts today, why do I sweat, when I'm not even moving????
Hopefully twenty doctors read my blog and get back to me. Below is a picture of a sweaty man and his japanese "friend". They sure are getting......sweaty.

Torture and Nudity

2007-11-28T09:58:00.000Z

Check it out, I'm back! Watched Rendition on my day of rest, wasn't expecting a middle aged nude guy......yes i was watching the right film! I wont give too much away but gyllenhaal gives a great performance but by far one of the best people in the movie is Omar Metwally. Must also give credit to the director,who in my opinion captured some moments perfectly. You may also leave the cinema craving the transportation of a donkey, that's when you know the movie's message really hit home. Make sure not to think of Meryl Streep in the shower or you'll end up having one of those really angry showers and eventually you'll get soap in your eyes and then you'll secretly hate Meryl Streep for at least 8 hours afterwards.
anyway, forget all that jibber jabber and go see the flick.

P.S. don't bring a date, women don't find men being tortured nearly as much as i would've thought.

Math Mania

2007-11-28T09:21:00.000Z

How much you love math? Well, to tell you honestly not that much of fan, it has its moments, like when your counting money and that's about it. How about rap music? Depends on the rapper, but I dig. I'm not sure your ready for this but what about math and rap combined. If your ass hasn't just exploded, then check this out. Its much funnier when you click on the graphs and check out the videos at the same time. Here's unrelated math humour for you junkies. Here's some math tube videos to fit nicely into the only post of mine that will include math.

4am Song

2007-11-27T00:16:00.000Z

This song reminds me of waking up really late at night like 4am, no one around, you can hear worms snoring its so early and your mind is going a mile a minute, and you just have to sit their in your bed till you get sprinkled with sleep dust again.

Your Under Arrest for Being Drunk and Mysterious

2007-11-26T23:55:00.002Z

My friend has been known to enter a club and just like Alice in wonderland disappear into his own drunken world.
Last night i followed that drunken white rabbit. I very sober, and bored of work, I followed him for twenty minutes. I cried laughing for twenty minutes. I discovered him in a darkened corner.
Was he getting some nookie? If you call getting discretely sick at the end of the couch nookie, well then he was getting some hot, chunky nookie. He then got up. Then he sat down. This happened for a little while. He eventually got his sea legs and was ready to take to the turbulent sea of the floor. He almost had me convinced that the room was spinning. He then turned into Spiderman. The walls were his best friend and he hugged them, he hugged them if he just made it through the Normandy landing with them. Well most his body was in check now, unfortunately his head swung from side to side. The walls turned out not to be like soft warm pillows, cushioning the blows! He ended up in a smoking area seat. It was closing time. he wanted to get a few quick winks. Bouncers soon stopped that. He looked like a man, who had just been robbed. Robbed of precious sleep. He made his way for the front door. He bumped into a friend. His friend could see, that this cowboy was on his last legs.His friend asked him, if he would make it to his rugby match tomorrow, this was answered by "You can go fucking' flip a a a hand". He was then asked do you even remember what rugby team you play for, a few moments passed and he answered " I *points figure* you see *falls over a chair*!".
He disappears into the crowd!

In the words of some great philosopher "a weekend wasted is not a wasted weekend..."

Here's a drunk guy, messing up an eagle tattoo,enjoy

Did you know?

2007-11-26T10:13:00.000Z

You like toasters(why yes I do)? Do you like sandwhichs(hell yeah its like my hobby)? Combine the both of them (yeah toasted sandwhichs big deal you hairless freak). No wait, you have to use a toastie machine (yeah I do, it always gets covered in cheese and takes ages to clean). Worry no more for I have found the solution (Your my hero). Thanks. Well here it is the product you've been dreaming about and cleaning the sheets the next morning to, the toastabag. My cheese fantasy brings me on to the fact of the day, which of course is to do with Swiss Cheese or as my peeps on the street call it emmental cheese.Swiss cheese has holes in it because of bacteria passing gas.
MMMMM I can taste the bacterial fartyness. Why does everything good have to have some disgusting secret??? Next Week toothpaste and its origins, You'll never brush again(this may cause many oral diseases and is not recommended by your dentist)!

Cowboy Song

2007-11-25T20:12:00.000Z

Like cowboys? But not in a brokeback mountain kinda way? Partial to the odd beaver? Then listen to this classic track which contains both of the above.

Im sold!

If however you seek midgets in santa suits, you will be dissapointed.
Thank god christmas is round the corner, I cant go another month without midgets.

What you might not know, could kill you!

2007-11-24T14:37:00.000Z

Myth
Alcohol destroys brain cells.
Fact
The moderate consumption of alcohol does not destroy brain cells. In fact it is often associated with improved cognitive (mental) functioning.

Next time im studying, im getting some tequila and a violinist. I could be the next Steven Hawking.

In need of a Partay

2007-11-23T17:07:00.000Z

Not my usual taste but I just thought interesting video, lyrics that i really get right now and if I can make a cup of tea and get back in here before the video ends I will post it. I guess you know the end of that story. Hey quick question did girls make lists in primary school or is that just an American thing? I hope to hear from anyone, even an axe murderer, OK maybe just the reformed axe murderers.

Griffin's Corner an' that. #4 - The Aye-Aye "Mom the badger is getting curious again"

2007-11-23T12:09:00.000Z

Alright! Hope all concerned have had a good time since last week's journey through time. Oh I mean the animal kingdom. Moving swiftly along, I shake you firmly by the hand and welcome you warmly to this week's mystifying encounter with the Aye-Aye.

The Aye-Aye is a quite freaky put together creature, and due to it's monstrous proportions, it has been used in many major Hollywood movies. For example, Scream, Hostel, Saw, Bambi, Nightmare on Elm Street and The Shining all include visuals or references to Aye-Aye's. This is because the sight alone of an Aye-Aye is enough to make a grown man wet his trousers in fear, or make a grown women shriek shrilly in sacredness. Just look at the picture. Look at it. If that does not hammer fear into your heart like, well a hammer, then you are indeed a person with nerves of steel, and depending on your gender, either balls of thunder, or breasts of iron. For I, after first seeing this fearsome creature, did verily run home crying, like a little Nancy girl, and cowered, shaking under my blanket for days on end.

In addition to the growing popularity of Aye-Aye usage in horror blockbusters, the Aye-Aye is still regarded as a very difficult creature to work with, or indeed be around at all. If you notice in the pictures enclosed, while the Aye-Aye has a hand very like that of the common primate, it has an extremely long and thin middle finger. This is known as it's "Pimp finger" for no apparent reason. Nature Detectives have long worked on exposing an Aye-Aye prostitution ring, but have yet to reveal any untoward goings on.

It is believed that Aye-Ayes originated in the former state of Zaire (now Democratic Republic of Congo) and were then brought to different parts of the world by stowing away on ships and other vessels of the sort. After this, pirates began taking on these mini stowaways as pets. It is believed that this is where the common pirate slang "Aye-Aye" originated from. The continued usage of the elongated middle finger also gave the Aye-Ayes a reputation as a very rude creature indeed, and this also gave rise to the phrase "Cussing like a Sailor". In fact, Aye-Ayes have been the reason behind the derivation of many phrases, including, but not limited to: "Gerrup outta tha!", "In fairness ya would, but ya wouldn't brag about it!" and "Too many Aye-Ayes spoil the broth", which was later updated to include humans.

Ding Dong! Oh no, unfortunately that means we have to bring a close to today's lovely little visit. Do be sure to come back, as I promise I'll have cake and tea next time!

SO until next time friends, I've been Paul Griffin, good luck, good health and drive safe

Question This!

2007-11-23T10:52:00.000Z

Do Babies go potty in the womb?

Babies do wee in utero.It is what the amniotic fluid is made of.

They do not, unless under some stress poo.However If they do, it is called meconium and can cause big trouble as babies breath before birth also. This is why when your water breaks, the doctor or midwife looks as it.If it is brown, they are concerned that the first poo has occurred and the child is in danger.

Thought after that you might like to read some dead baby jokes, so here you GO.

Toliet Humor

2007-11-23T10:48:00.000Z

Bubble
Money Key
Squibble Squabble

Those were the words that have made me laugh while going to the toilet this week.

Of course if you have your own please feel free to leave them in the comments.

That's what i really like about blogging I have somewhere to vent the important issues effecting every one's life.

Here's a site that reveals the toilet's of the world, excited? Well check it out.

Stories From the Dream World

2007-11-23T10:40:00.000Z

November 8,2007

Dream Log 2325352

I'm sitting outside Balbriggan train station, a train pulls up and out walks Craig David.
We are seemingly really good mates.
We end up in the hair dressers.
We both get a funky cut. I get this weird Mohawk thing,its green, I seem impressed.
He gets this Afro thing and he is loving it

We walk outside.
Theres flats above us.
Some guy flicks his cigarette butt from a balcony.
It lands in Craig Davids hair. He literally flips out and becomes insanely angry and gets a brick and lobs it at the man who flicked the butt.
He then tried to scale the flat......*alarm clock*

There seems to be no mention of this dream on his fan site. Check it out

My Eyes are Bleeding!

2007-11-23T10:38:00.001Z

+

+

=

Daft punk music + different colored squares + Magic circles = My new drug

Click Here

Griffins Animal Corner- "You ever seen a grown man swim with a donkey?"

2007-11-21T13:59:00.000Z

The Alpaca.

The Alpaca is indeed a strange and mildly fierce creature, which, to the
untrained eye appears as merely a sheep with a longer than normal neck, while in
truth, have so much more to offer. These mystical creatures not only have the
power to organize themselves in various geometrical shapes and patterns, but can
also provide a three-course meal in less than twenty six minutes.

The Alpaca originated in Brazil, where, feeding on the many poor natives (the
ones, who were neither buck-toothed, nor exceptional at football), this majestic beast
became the dominant species, overcoming even humans. The alpaca’s economy really
started going when George (the alpaca with the neck that was slightly longer than
the rest and I believe he also had one eye that was a different colour than the
other) started up Alpaca Motors Ltd., the premier car manufacturers in all
of South America. This was only the first step in the rise to dominance of the alpaca nation.

In 1953, the Brazilians commenced a brief rebellion against the Alpaca regime,
now headed by fascist leader, General Rory. However, the Brazilians artillery was
on such a level lower than that of the Alpacas’ that what had started as typical guerrilla
warfare became a range war, and the Brazilians were quickly decimated.

An alpaca’s strengths include knitting, singing gently, and Internet poker, in
fact the national champion, Jorge, is one of the most famous Internet poker players
of all time, under the user name: longlivegeneralrory62.

Anyway, thanks for your time, this has been the first edition of Griffin’s Animal Corner,
hope you enjoyed.

Until next week, good luck, and avoid war against alpaca’s at all costs.

Paul Griffin.

Stop The Train

2007-11-21T13:42:00.001Z

This is a new segment, relating to all the things I learn and are quite amused and amazed by. On with it so, first to slowly get the train-a-stopping, I have found a really interesting and update site that keeps me update to date with all the new crazy trends in music. If you like having a happening knowledge I advise you Click Here. Much more of a train stopper here, I found a guy who uses those planes that write stuff in the sky for art. Yet, that's only a little, the thing I really love is he uses it to draw Clouds. CLOUDS IN THE SKY. Its so crazy it just might work, so check it out if your interested and Click Here.Seemingly loads of people are going to Disneyland and bringing their dead relatives and spreading their ashes, a practice that has spread from the Haunted Mansion to the Pirates of the Caribbean. The scatterers generally get away clean, and the human remains are subsequently cleaned away by special janitors who are charged with keeping the Park in compliance with health rules about containing particulate matter. This is what stops the train. People who dress up animals for a hobby and they also dress up as animals so they can have the kinkiest sex, this has blown my little mind right open, find out more and Click Here.

Picnic Song!

2007-11-21T13:39:00.000Z

Best video in the world...no. Best song in the world....no. Sticks with you like a warm, loving and friendly piece of chewing gum on your shoe...why yes that's it. Bon appetit.

Shuffle Your Feet Lose Your Seat

2007-11-21T13:36:00.000Z

Yes, that's right if one does stay connected with the world you might miss a few things. Lucky I'm here in between the cracks catching all the strange and wonderful news in the world. To begin Justice, not french electro band Justice but rather Iranian Justice, which states if you are caught hanging around strange men that's against the law, unfortunately this woman hung around with 7 strange men, who raped her and yet she's in trouble??? I JUST DON'T GET IT. Want all the detailsHead here. In other news Tom Cruise's 'Tropic Thunder' Fat-Suit Photo Leaks Online, Spoils His 'Secret' Cameo, I really disbelieve this was leaked rather let out to create some buzz about this new movie but it does sound like it might be a hilarious movie. The movie is described as a funny "Apocalypse Now," the movie stars Black, Stiller, Robert Downey Jr. and Matthew McConaughey in the tale of in-over-their-heads actors caught up in a real-life action story. Here's the picture but I have a feeling it'll be pulled soon, so get your behind their now. Not so much news as for the end of the summer I was glue to reading this guys website/blog thing, every story makes you cringe or cry laughing and ladies he knows what he is "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.". He may be an asshole but if half of this is true, I want a share a pint with him.Heres a link to one of my favourite stories.

3 am Library Trip

2007-11-19T10:33:00.001Z

My Adventures

Found out lying can be fun guy but the truth will always save you in the end. Ended telling my momma and my poppa that I going to did an assignment up in the library. I was working extra hard and would be home late, I would be famished and maybe have some sort of finger disorder after working so hard. Sadly this was untrue. Yes, it was a lie, a fabrication of my evil twisted mind(but it was a good one;)). I in fact had only a tiny bit of work to do, my true intention was to get drunk, and stay the night in Dundalk or as I call it corrupter of souls. My plan was in motion, I was in the bar drinking, yet texting my mum saying I was going to be one hour working on the project....LIES ALL LIES. I'm a bad man. Then i decided my lie would need to be more elaborate. I text my mum at 10:30pm, saying i was waiting by a bus stop, eagerly awaiting the public transport that reunite me with my family. Another foul lie. I was in fact drinking in an apartment. 11:00pm came around, now the icing on the lie cake or maybe the jam centre of the lie cake, it didn't matter what part of the delicious lie cake I was adding, as I sent a text saying missed the last bus staying in my mates apartment. After that I patted myself on the back for a lie well done, as I am a terrible lier and proceeded to get drunk and fall asleep.Little did I know the text never went through. I awoke, to vibrations. No it was not a mini earthquake, but my mobile also known as the lie machine. It was my dad. "Patrick where are you?" said my father. "I'm in the library" I calmly answered. "Really, the library stays open to 3am?" said my dad, "Oh wait I'm in someones apartment" I say. The phone call goes on, which leads to my dad coming to collect me at 3am. I pull myself together, releasing I had no top on, missing 20 euro and finding myself in an empty apartment. The end of the story leads to me not being allowed leave the house till sometime after Christmas.

NEVER LIE

Toliet Showers?

2007-11-14T22:13:00.000Z

Good Night, yeah i changed the time on this baby.
promised myself I was going to post Monday but plans change as indulged in some drunkenness and cruelty over Monday and Tuesday.

Things I learned:

Vibrating bus seats are dangerous

More people should be named after animals "cow" "sheep" "tiger"

Never cartwheel for longer then an hour

Video of the Day

This choice may be unpopular, but it hurts my brain and I love it. Someone out there will get it, if you do can you send me a picture of your elbows,thanking you in advance

Patrick

I'm Talking Gay Owls Here........

2007-11-09T17:57:00.001Z

Rant

I'm 19.

Have a job.

Go to college.

Can drive a car.

And just lately learned how to clean my own bottom.

Yet i have just been grounded for a month,by the way did I mention I'm 19.

Hmmmmm, Pat you obviously left a cheese and ham toastie underneath your parents pillows.

I prefer paddy and no, what was my crime?

Well, I have a feeling this you will never guess.

I WENT TO A BOOK READING IN UCD!

I was also given permission to go,by my mother

Yet I found myself in hot water,when i got home

My parents reasoning behind the grounding in but of course roman numeral format;

The author was a convicted drug smuggler.
They believed Special Branch Gardie would sit in on the meeting.
They believed these officers would take photos of me and form dossier.
This would lead to me getting black-listed(this means getting parking tickets and being refused employment once an employer had done a background check.)

Please,if you think this is insane leave a comment.

If you don't you side with the parents,and I will kill you,like the pig you are:)

Song of the Day

Look out for the rainbow,that shoots out knives,I think that's the masterstroke of the video.

News

Wednesday night I went to a book reading UCD,as I mentioned.

Almost worth the grounding.

The criminal was none other then Mr. Nice,(Howard Marks)some amazing stories and he had such a laid back way about him

I'm going to have to buy all his books now.

After marks, I purchased four nagins of vodka.

I'll leave it to your imagination, what happened next.....because i don't remember:)

Anything else to report,everyone is fainting,Whats wrong with me,why can't I faint,life always deals me a rough hand

Quote of the Week

This weeks quote comes from a crazy drunken Donegal woman:

"Are you wearing your runners over your socks?"

Griffins Corner

2007-11-09T16:51:00.000Z

Paul Griffin's animal corner "Me and the owls are going out to the barn" #3 - The Angora Rabbit

Chow everyone, and welcome back to another mildly-enthralling edition of "An animal what is kinda good an' that".

This week's topical discussion features the angora rabbit, a little known form of rabbit native to western Europe (or L'Europe Occidentaux as the French call it).

First bred in 1843, by Sir Alfred Winterbottom, by cross-breeding a normal rabbit with a cushion, the sudden emergence of angora rabbits onto the market was a big boom for the rabbit industry, which at the time was losing ground to other more popular rodents such as guinea pigs, gerbils and the common pink hamsters.

Resembling a cushion with a rabbit's face, the angora rabbit is unfortunately becoming extinct after only 150 years of existence.

This is due to an error on the part of us humans, who, in mistaking them for actual cushions, accidentally sit on them, smothering and crushing them to death.

This resulted in the formation of the SSSAR (the Society of Safety from Sitting for Angora Rabbits) which to this days combats the troubles facing the lives of angora rabbits worldwide.

Unfortunately however, the society only has two members, one of which is himself an angora rabbit, and despite the fact that they are a government funded organization, the SSSAR, rarely gets anything done.

Ever.

Although they did organize a table quiz once which did raise 37 English Sterling, good on them.

The Angora Rabbit's diet includes mostly eating lettuce and carrots, and drinking water from a small container usually attached to the side of their cage.

However they do NOT like "Time Out" bars as they play havoc with the Angora Rabbits' digestion.

Angora Rabbits have a life expectancy of around 7 years, depending on whether or not their owners are Ophthalmologically sound.

That is, if they aren't blind enough not to distinguish their rare expensive pet from a cushion.

More information about angora rabbits can be found at the following websites;

Know what I know

Learn the ways of the rabbit

RABBITS RABBITS RABBITS

God Himself

That is all for this morning, I hope you enjoyed our little weekly visit through animal land, be sure to catch next weeks train, same animal time, same animal CHANNEL!

Chow Wiedersehen,

Paul Griffin

I should be so lucky,lucky,lucky...LUCKY CHARMS

2007-11-06T18:17:00.000Z

Life as I know it

My news starts from Sunday, headed into animal collective in Tripod.

All I wanted from the gig was maybe to get some how pregnant of the awesomeness of the band and give birth to some freakishly obscure musician just like Arnold Schwarzenegger did,that man beats me to everything ARGH.

Turns out I have none of the signs of pregnancy,seemingly if you make yourself sick in the morning, it doesn't count.

The reason why i didn't get my rock baby, is mainly due to the fact i almost fell asleep at the concert.

I know what your thinking, did you even give them a chance?

The answer is yes, and OK i knew they might try some new stuff out, fine but they started really rocking my socks off, when a man with a miners light on his head told me that the singer has the flu and can't rock out too much, so they stopped playing and so began Panda Bear.

I wept on the nearest bald man and continued to listen to what I was later told was Panda Bear some sort solo project by one of the band members,which was half decent.

Oh by the way, the singer got the flu thanks to Manchester idiots smashing in their tour van.....thanks,you super massive assholes(muse fans might get that;))

all and all i was disappointed to say the least.

From that night some how, text roulette lead to my friend being accused of being sick and to have sampled the pleasures of someones "lady garden", who he mostly certainly did not touch.....recently.

By the way for the untrained Kat's reading, text roulette is where you make up a rather dubious sentence and send it by text by blindly scrolling down your list of contacts,try it,bound to give you at least one awkward smile next time you see someone

Things I received from my newly returned father

Lucky Charms
Rangers Jacket
A Pocket Towel????

Song of the Day

Can't get enough of this crowd, I cant believe I missed them at electric picnic

.....psst by the way electric picnic tickets are out soon,get some

Dreams will be in the next installment I swear on a grave that I named Ellen

Kitten Turtles or Turtle Cats?

2007-11-01T12:14:00.000Z

Well hello there, back to writing, even on my bloody study week. So here's the latest from my life, went to arcade fire in a jazz taxi. Yeah a jazz taxi, I think I impressed every cool Kat in the room with that statement.

Any who, if arcade fire was a cat its dad would be a dragon and its mom would organise all the workers in the world and set up a workers paradise.....I think I've strayed off point, what I'm trying to say is arcade fire blew my socks off.

What else, oh stayed in UCD. Went to a great electro gig ,till 2am,got offered pills once more,I'M NOT A PILL HEAD. Bouncers were so sound there,even if they did take the piss out of my dance moves. Learned three things

Donegal women are violent when drunk
Nuttel should never be smeared in a toilet,as it can really unsettle a stomach at 5am
Never sleep on wooden furniture, you will start to devolve(is that a word?)

Song of the day

Stays with you like postman pat or some sort of glue sweating stalker.

More news i went to duke special in Drogheda, it was simply a magic gig. Unknown to me the opening act were drag queens called the ladies blue, and they made eye love to my friend Roy. Roy soaked it up like a Love sponge. Enough about drag queens, I stole a broomstick and sweeped Drogheda, nothing better. Also the lead singer of duke special kept me enthralled for the whole gig. He also pointed out to the audience that my friend was in his music video and my mate got a round of applause. Just an amazing vibe for the whole thing.

OH yeah, Happy Halloween.
I'm hoping my next post will have my dreams in it, you might as well just sit at your computer and wait till I post again.

Animal Addiction

2007-10-23T15:35:00.000+01:00

Seriously I wasn't crazy about these guys at first but they grow on you, I swear. Then you just cant stop listening to them and then its just a full blown addiction. An addiction I intend to feed, till my ears bleed or a moth flys into my ears and causes me to go deaf.

I need a cool sign off, but for now I'm going with.....BABY BORN BABY BORN!
Yeah, you think of something better.
Gave out nicknames to my new posse today

Megan = Big Mouth, BM
Mary = Turkey, Gobble Gobble
Steve = Puke, Blondie
Myself = Sonic

Give me sexy, homeless man!

2007-10-20T12:35:00.000+01:00

Good afternoon loyal readers (ray).Well you might of guessed it, its Saturday and that can only mean one thing. Yes, I'm going to take pictures of homeless people on the streets of Dublin. Wait a moment *scratches head*, that's your typical Saturday? Fine, its not what I do every Saturday, its actually what I don't do ever Saturday (except that one time, but the charges were dropped). Then why? Friends, that's why! Is it just me, but when you see old homeless men, it just makes you think of zombie movies? maybe my mind box has just got rotten or I eat too much cheese before I go to bed, who knows!
Anyway today shall be fum, fun, fun ( I mean depressing and a little scary)!

I Heart Graveyards

2007-10-19T16:59:00.000+01:00

Lets get bulky.
Well, I must explain this statement. I looked at the old blog (its about 3 days old) and I said to myself, it needs to be busting at the seems like a whale in a debs dress,so i thought why not wrangle in some of my buddies to contribute articles.
Guess who I got, yeah your thinking maybe he got that guy who played Spiderman.
You mean Toby Maguire, learn his fricken name mate!....but no not Toby.
I got it, you managed to get that hairy bloke from off the telly box and you know the one. What in the name of jumping jack.....oh you mean Russell Brand! No it isn't Brand but rather the italicised Mr Paul Griffin!
You might remember him from some of his you tube adventures, or maybe you've seen him hanging around a spar pestering women to avail of some free violin lessons
but in my blog, he'll have his own little corner to discuss his love of not just stir fry but also animals, yes those things we eat to make our bellies smile:).

Knowledge bombs that were dropped on my head in the past 24 hours:

Graves our not for dry humping.
Bravia and bud are not friends in my belly.
I have the sweetest break in pool.
Some people enjoy breaking jukeboxes *cough*.

It never ends

2007-10-17T18:21:00.000+01:00

I have only started blogging today, but could I be addicted? Has my lecturer got me smoking from the Internet crack pipe that is blogging? Will my mom find me doubled over my keypad. Will I be mugging cheese vender's in the street, to pay for an hour in an Internet cafe? WHAT HAVE I BECOME!

Yet this addiction has come and gone before with other Internet fads, here's my
top five sites that I wasted at least a 24 hours of my precious life on.

Click here ,for a pointless day.
Click here , for an addictive day.
Click here , for a intellectual day.
Click here , for a musically satisfying day.
Click here , for a social day in your Jammie's.

This post feels like it's missing something, but I just can't put my finger on it.
ahhh yeeess (yes, I did pay Churchill the dog 50 euro just to say that), Tom Cruise holding clogs gleefully.

It Begins!

2007-10-17T15:31:00.000+01:00

Song of the day

I have an admission to make, that wasn't the real song of the day :o. I know your shocked right now, but hopefully you were sitting down, when you read the news and your tea wasn't in your hand. The real song of the day was Jape - Floating, but there is no you tube video for it. Does anyone know why that is? One day there will be video, one day. I have a dream...
Whoop Whoop, I finished my first post, I feel like the guy below. A man in a mushroom costume? Someone out there gets it!